Sunday, June 21, 2009
Hitting Rock Bottom
The bright spot of the weekend- Fathers Day with my kids !!!
You know that saying that sometimes before you can recover from something you need to hit rock bottom first. Well this past Saturday at Grandma's marathon I believe I hit that bottom. For far to long now I have been struggling with my running. I have felt way to many days of self dought and motivation with my running and I was just muddling along. I have not run nearly enough miles, done way to few speed workouts, and just not felt it in my runs for a long time now. I am not sure why I feel this way ? Maybe it is 2 years in a row of sports hernia surgery ? Is it the lingering shitty feeling of my one and only DNF in 24 years of running at last years Leadville 100 ? Is it something more ? Regardless it is here and I need to buck up at get help and try to change it.
Going into Grandma's I knew I was not ready to run a marathon the way I used to run marathon. Races where I could blow up hard and still run sub 2:50 every time. No this year was going to be no way close to that. But I did feel that I should be able to run around 3 hours pretty easy. Hell I have done some 20 mile long runs this year where I ran at 6:55 to 7:00 min mile pace I sure hoped I could get 6 more miles in at that pace come race day. Well lucky me and many other people we got a super hot and shitty day at this years Grandma's. This changed things a bunch. I started out hitting 6:45-6:52 pace every mile up till 10 miles or so. Then by half marathon in which I got there in 1:31 I knew it was time to shut it down and just run/walk in to the finish line. My mind and body had had enough and was done. This was so darn hard to do. I had not felt this type of dis pare in a road marathon since my first one back in the 1994 Twin Cities. I just did not have it in my heart to push myself. I knew I had more in my legs, this was evident by the 6:30 pace I was running from mile 24 to 25 when I saw my Mom and little Evan cheering and looking so good to me !!! I was just broken inside. I got to the finish in 3:19 and was happy to be there. It was my 2 worst time ever. I am broken but will be fixed someday.
I guess on the bright side it was nice to see a bunch of friends up there in Duluth. Plus I was super proud of my wife Sonya who hung on to finish 22nd woman and I believe 3rd in the 40-44 age group. She does not like the heat but gutted it out like the super trooper she is.
Now it time to start the rebuild Kurt project. I am going to start with some easy running then go into Afton in a few weeks with looking at it as just a fun run. Then go from there. Maybe I do not go to Leadville 100 in August. I need to remind myself I do not have to do that race, I need to want to go. Till next time...